Wouldn’t life be grand if there was a way we could keep our relationship in a loving and healthy place forever? We all wish for that when we’re madly in love with our boyfriend. Sadly, sometimes things go astray and even though you adore him utterly and completely he decides that he needs a break, time apart or some distance. Nothing hurts emotionally quite as deeply as having to come to terms with a break up when you still very much want to be with your partner. You panic inside and that tends to make you do things you’ll later regret. Most of us who have been in this situation have resorted to things like calling our ex boyfriend endlessly, sending him text message after text message and even bombarding his cell with calls all begging him to come back. In the moment all of these things seem reasonable and logical. They’re not. If you want to know how to make your ex boyfriend chase you it has to begin by understanding where he is emotionally and why leaving him alone is the best possible move you can make.
Your Ex Boyfriend Isn’t Processing the Break Up The Same Way You Are
Women and men vary greatly when it comes to how they react to the end of a relationship. As women we mourn the loss in a very overt way. We usually are comfortable sharing all the sordid details of the collapse of our relationship with friends. We don’t see a problem in replaying the actual moment of the break up over and over again in our minds, and we just don’t want to let go of the possibility that the relationship can still be repaired.
Most men actually go into avoidance mode after the break up. They push all of the conflicting emotions they are feeling to the back of their mind and they focus on other things. That’s often the reason you’ll find a man who just broke up with his girlfriend out at a club. He’s likely not looking for a replacement for her. He’s just trying to drown out the host of emotions that are trying to push their way to the top.
A man generally needs at least a few weeks to absorb and process a break up. He has to do that on his own terms and no amount of pressure from his ex girlfriend to get back together is going to make a difference. You are essentially wasting your time and his if you continue to chase your ex boyfriend anymore. You have to allow him the space he needs to decide what he truly feels and you must allow him the opportunity to do that on his own.
Take a Few Weeks to Evaluate Where Your Life Is
One of the best pieces of advice any woman can heed after a break up is to be selfish and focus all of her emotional energy inward. You may feel compelled to reach out to your ex boyfriend in a continuing effort to get him to come back, but you’ll fare much better if you leave him alone for a minimum of three weeks.
That can feel like an eternity to a woman who is caught up in the turmoil of a break up, but you need to view this as a positive for the benefits it’s going to bring to your own life. You’re going to discover that with each day that passes that you don’t waste trying to get your ex boyfriend to speak with you, you’ll become stronger emotionally.
The time right after a break up is actually ideal for a woman to start looking at what she wants to accomplish in her own life. These goals shouldn’t include an ex boyfriend. These are the goals that you personally want to achieve and it may range from getting a better job, to finishing up your degree to even taking an adventurous vacation to a destination you’ve never been before.
Get out a calendar and plan things for you to do, independent of your ex boyfriend, for the next month. Fill up your schedule with pursuing your dreams, and also spending time with close friends and family who can give you the much needed emotional support you need at this time.
By the end of the month, you are going to realize that you need to decide whether chasing your ex is the right thing for you to do. If you haven’t heard from him by now, expect to hear from him very soon. Once a man sorts through his post break up emotions, he’ll typically want to reconnect with his ex just to see where she is emotionally. You’ll be able to show him that you’re strong, independent and looking forward to your own life. That’s going to make you that much more desirable to him and before you even realize it, he’s going to be the one chasing after you trying to get you to reconsider whether breaking up is the right decision.