I’m often questioned by women on my blog on one specific topic and that’s why men are capable of getting over a break up so quickly. It does seem to be the norm, doesn’t it? We mourn the loss of the relationship for weeks, if not months, while our exes are out partying the nights, days and weekends away oblivious to the emotional pain we’re in. It’s an interesting study on the topic of human emotions. As women we have a more difficult time emotionally disconnecting from a relationship, even if the break up was by our hand. Men, on the other hand, seem able to pick their hearts up, dust them off and dive right back into life full force and with a smile on their faces. Why is that? Is there a definitive reason for why men seem much more emotionally able to move on towards a new life and new relationship after a split? The real reason behind that smile on your ex boyfriend’s face may surprise you.
Our perception is that our ex has gotten over the break up because we don’t see him in those quiet, sullen moments when the gravity of the situation hits him. In confidence, many men will actually confess to being heartbroken by the reality that the relationship they viewed as life sustaining has shattered. Men are raised, for the most part, to be strong and to hide their emotions away from the world. So when you speak to your ex or you run into him at a mutual favorite place you may be mistaking that smile on his face for acceptance and perhaps even joy at his newfound freedom. Internally he may be fighting the urge to tell you that he misses you more than he thought possible and he wishes that things could just go back to how they used to be. In other words, that facade that he’s presenting to you may not be what really lurks beneath the surface.
Obviously, there does exist the man who can dust his heart off and jump back into his life at warp speed. This is the man who dives into a new relationship just as he’s checking out of the old one. To the woman left behind, she suddenly devalues her place in his life and the relationship they shared. She’ll wonder whether she meant anything more to him than a short stop on his romantic adventure. Viewing yourself through the eyes of an ex boyfriend who is not compassionate is a mistake. You should look at the relationship the way you choose to and hold onto the parts of it that helped you to become the woman you are now.
I advise women not to dwell too heavily on the behavior of their ex after the break up. If he does certain things, you may mistakenly believe those are silent signals that he’s still hung up on you. By the same token if he doesn’t do certain things you may jump to the very same conclusion.
All you really need to focus on is that it was an experience in your life and now you’re going to look towards new experiences, be it with him in the future or with someone new. He’s going to process the break up in a way that is best for him, just as you’re going to do the same for yourself.
Remember that he’s not your boyfriend anymore. What he does isn’t your concern. You need to let him go, for now and point the spotlight directly on yourself and the amazing woman you are. You’ve grown since the break up and you need to use the emotional journey you’ve taken as fuel for the next great adventure awaiting you.
To learn more about how to move on from a break up, visit this page.