Sometimes you wonder why you do the things you do, right?

It’s incredibly important that you start viewing this scenario from your ex boyfriend’s view as opposed to your love sick view. Once you see what he sees, you’re going to think twice about hopping back into an intimate encounter with him until you two have established a more meaningful romantic connection.

Your Ex Boyfriend Will Be Intimate with You Because He Loves Intimacy

Here’s the facts about what goes on in a man’s mind post break up. You and your guy were together for some time, you shared a lot including some pretty special intimate moments. He remembers those and when he’s feeling he needs some one-on-one physical contact he’s going to be drawn to a place of familiarity. That place is you.

He may tell you that he’s been thinking about you or that he misses all the incredible moments you two had together. If you sleep with him when he’s saying such romantic things, you’re instantly going to assume that he is falling back in love with you. To him it’s a very different experience. Men are much more capable of separating intimacy and love. If he misses the physical part of your relationship and you give that back to him, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s feeling anything emotional.

You can tell what’s going on in his heart if his contact with you reaches beyond the boundaries of his libido. If he wants to hang out in places other this your place or his place, that’s a good sign. Be honest with yourself about what’s going on. Don’t sugar coat it at all. If your ex boyfriend calls you and then you two end up being intimate, followed by days and days where you hear nothing from him, the desire he is feeling for you is all wrapped up in physical intimacy.

The Intimacy Will Stop When He Finds a New Woman to Romance

If you put yourself in a position in which you become your ex boyfriend’s lover, he’ll drop you like a hotcake if he becomes emotionally attracted to another woman.

He currently sees you as his intimate partner, not his emotional partner. If he hasn’t suggested that you two get back together, and he only calls or texts when he’s feeling the need to be physical, you’ve painted yourself in a corner that is going to painful to get out of.

Many women are shocked when they are dumped a second time by their ex because he’s fallen in love with someone else. Even though these women have been spending loads of intimate time with their ex boyfriends, the time was just that to the man in question, intimate time and nothing else.

He won’t continue to sleep with you because he’ll genuinely feel that he’s cheating on his new girl if he does. He’ll tell you that you two can’t “see each other” anymore because he wants to try and make his new relationship work. All the while you’ve been under the mistaken umbrella of belief that he felt closer to you than ever and it was just a matter of time before you two were in a full-fledged relationship again.

How to Shift the Dynamic Between You and Your Ex Boyfriend

You need to subtly change the dynamic between you and your ex if you truly hope to get back together with him. Sleeping with him is likely not going to be the means to that end.

It’s best to talk with him about what you’re feeling outside of the bedroom and not when you’re about to be intimate or have just been intimate. Instead, invite him out for a coffee. Simply state that there’s something important you’d like to discuss, but keep your tone light and friendly.

Explain to him that you still care for him and even though you two have been enjoying each other recently, it’s not the direction that you want to continue to head in. Make it clear that you desire more but you’re not asking for it. It’s wise to express to your ex that to you intimacy is just one part of the renewed connection you seek and you’d be open to the idea of you two dating again.

If he balks at this, you know that continuing to sleep with him is not going to get you the end result you seek. He’s only interested in one thing at the moment, so you need to remove yourself from his life.

This may feel incredibly scary given the fact that you’re essentially walking away from the man you love but view it as a step in the right direction. Your wants and needs have to trump his so it’s important that you state what you want and respect yourself enough to show that you won’t settle for anything less.

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The Positive Side of No Contact

You already know that no contact can have a positive impact on the strained connection between you and your ex boyfriend. Essentially, with a bit of time apart and some distance to fully comprehend life without one another, you two may realize that you are destined to be together, and you’ll go on to live happily-ever-after. You really must focus on this while your boyfriend continues to separate himself from you. Consider the fact that eventually you likely would have decided to go no contact yourself if given the chance. It really is an effective tool to rebuild a broken bond.

Stay Strong By Focusing on Anything But Your Ex Boyfriend

When a relationship unravels and one partner decides to cut off all contact it’s bound to sting the other person. In this case, that’s you and part of that pain is related to rejection. Even though you two were broken up, it’s still hard to accept that your ex boyfriend doesn’t want to talk with you or communicate with you at all. You must look past this and instead focus on anything but him. It’s very easy to fall into a rut in which you constantly feel sorry for yourself. If you do that, you’ll pine over every email he ever sent you, you’ll look back at old images of the two of you together and you won’t be able to move forward at all.

You must find something new to focus your attention on while your ex boyfriend takes this time to think about what he wants. A good way to accomplish this is to start on a project that you’ve been putting on the back burner. It may be something as simple as reading a novel you bought months ago or maybe you feel more ambitious and you want to tackle painting your apartment. Just choose something that you’d like to get off your to-do list and get it done. You’ll find that it not only gets your mind off your ex, but you’ll feel proud of yourself too.

The Way to Break No Contact

Right now you’d likely give just about anything to get your ex boyfriend to contact you again. As the days progress and you avoid him, you’ll find that the urge to call him or text him will diminish. At what point do you break no contact and reach out to him? Under normal circumstances, if you’re able to refrain from any contact, he’ll probably make the first move himself. It may take the full three weeks for him to do this or it could happen after only a few days. If he doesn’t call or text, you’ll need to take that matter into your own hands. You do have to handle this in a diplomatic way. The best approach is to do it as a friend, checking in with him. Don’t make any mention of what’s been going on with you and don’t ask him anything other than how he is. You’re better off to do this in the form of a text message. If you call him, and he doesn’t answer, you’ll be forced to sound cheerful and carefree while you leave a voicemail message. In text, you don’t have to worry about your demeanor. You simply just ask how he is and leave it at that.

If he doesn’t respond, don’t send another message. Instead, wait for him to get back to you. He may be waiting in an effort to see whether you’ll become more persistent. By being patient and not seeming to care too much about whether he responds or not, you’ll be baiting the hook that will grab his interest again. Men love it when a woman plays coy, so show him that you’re a master at it.

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Why Your Ex Boyfriend May Not Mean What He Says

Men know what to say to make us melt. It’s true. If a man tells you that he thinks you’re an angel and he’s never met anyone like you, that’s going to impact you in a big way, isn’t it? It’s the same for most women. We all have triggers that make us weak in the knees and make us fall hopelessly in love with the man shooting those words in our direction. The problem is that after a break up, your ex boyfriend may be feeling as lost and alone as you are. Therefore, he may need to boost his ego just a tad and so he says things he knows will garner a big reaction from you. Things like, he’s not over you or he’s not sure he’s ready to move on.

Any woman in your situation needs to follow one solid piece of advice. If your boyfriend has hinted or even said outright that he’s not over you, pay more attention to his actions than those words. If he means it and if he’s truly feeling that there may be some future for you two, he’ll be putting in the effort to make that happen. He’ll be asking to see you and he’ll be persistent. He’ll send you frequent text messages asking to talk or he’ll email you sappy love letters all about how he can’t live without you. If all you’re hearing is him telling you that he’s not over you, yet he’s out partying with friends and flirting with other girls, his intentions aren’t matching his words.

Why You Should Protect Your Heart From Your Ex Boyfriend for Now

You’ll protect your heart and your dignity if you don’t immediately tell him that you’re not over him too if he says to you that he’s having trouble moving on. He may just want to hear you say the words to feed his male pride or he may be having a weak moment. If you put your heart out there again, and his intentions aren’t sincere, you’re going to emotionally fall back to the place you were the moment the break up happened.

Let him share what he feels with you but stay guarded for now. Watch carefully whether his actions mirror his words. If they don’t, you’ve kept your heart in a safe place and you’ve left him wondering whether you really are over him and that can be the one thing that will put him into action. If a man is truly still in love with his ex he’ll move any obstacle out of his way to get her back. If he isn’t certain she wants him back he’ll work even harder to make it happen.

If you believe deep down in your heart that he’s the man you are destined to be with, there is a remarkable, effective and shocking way to get him back.

Getting angry is warranted but it’s not going to accomplish anything. Neither is jealousy. I know that it’s impossible not to be jealous of her. She has what you want. She’s got your ex boyfriend’s full attention and devotion at the moment. That’s the key that you need to remember: she is his lover at this moment. That doesn’t mean that their connection will last. In fact, most rebound relationships crash and burn very quickly. You need to take solace in that as it’s going to be your life preserver as you wiggle your way through this very difficult emotional situation.

Should You Sleep with a New Man to Get Back at Your Ex Boyfriend?

As hard as it is please don’t fall into the revenge trap. It’s such an easy step to take but you’re going to end up not only hurting yourself but involving an unsuspecting man who may actually develop very real feelings for you. Many women in your position hook up with a man in retaliation. They sleep with him and then ensure that their ex boyfriend knows about it. On the surface it certainly seems like it would be a great way to counteract what he’s doing, but it’s really not that simple at all. Men have a much harder time getting over betrayal. And, yes, he will see it as that. Even though he’s happily sharing intimacy with someone else, he will be bowled over if you do the same. He’ll never get the image of you with another man out of his mind and the relationship will be over for good. No second chances in this scenario.

You’re going to have to learn to accept that he’s playing the field for now. The newness of his current relationship won’t last and he’ll likely start comparing her to you in short order. When that happens he’ll come back around looking for you. Before that happens there are a few things that you should be doing.

Don’t dwell on the fact that your ex boyfriend is already sleeping with someone else. It’s his decision and he’s made it. Nothing you can do at this point can undo what’s already been done. Since you two have broken up that does give him the opportunity to have other experiences. Try and view it as that.

Busy yourself doing other things. I realize this is much easier said than done but it’s imperative that you try and do it. Starting a new project or a new job is perfect right now. So is taking a small vacation if financially you can afford it. Nothing heals a broken heart faster than a change of scenery.

You must do a bit of soul searching for yourself. Right now you’re feeling desperate to get him back and away from her but remember that before he dove into this new relationship, things weren’t ideal between the two of you. Think about what you’ll do differently once he does come back and whether taking him back is truly in your best interest.

If you’re truly intent on a future with your ex boyfriend, you can get him back even if he’s already sleeping with someone new. Tiny text messages can be the tool you need to get him to leave her and come running back to you.

Whenever a woman says, “my boyfriend doesn’t text me back,” she’s lowering her own self worth. She’s putting her emotions on the line for a man who doesn’t have the decency to even acknowledge her. Nothing stings quite as much as being in love with someone who pretends you don’t exist. It’s actually even more emotionally wrenching when that person happens to be your ex boyfriend. You know that he’s capable of loving you because he did very much at one time. Now your relationship has deteriorated to the point that he doesn’t even put in the effort to respond. That’s the very reason why you have to stop for a moment, and clearly think about what you’re doing before you send another text his way.

What to Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Ignores Your Text Messages

The next move you should be making if he is repeatedly ignoring your text messages is to stop sending them! I can’t stress this enough. You must break the cycle that you’ve created for yourself. You send him a message, you wait eagerly for a response, a day passes and you hear nothing and it sinks you into a vat of depressed feelings. You get angry with yourself for doing it and you swear that you won’t do it again, yet you do. It’s completely understandable why you do it. You love him and you don’t want to miss your chance to have a future with him. That’s why you have to change your pattern of behavior and show your ex that you’re no longer that scared, lonely girl who is going to chase after him endlessly.

If you don’t feel you have the willpower to stop texting your ex boyfriend, delete his contact information from your phone. I realize this feels drastic, but it’s for your own good. You’re going to be much less tempted to contact him if his number isn’t accessible. I realize that you likely have his number memorized along with his birthday and favorite color, but you must do whatever it takes to stop texting him. Deleting his number is truly more symbolic than anything. You’ll be proving to yourself that you’re stronger than your weakest emotions.

Once you’ve done that it’s time to shift your focus to your own life and what you can do right now to find happiness. I advise women to see this time as an emotional holiday. Try your best to push aside all the negative emotions you’ve associated with the break up and instead look towards the future. Don’t focus on what you want your relationship to be as you move forward, but what you want your life in general to be like. Is there a career goal you have yet to achieve? Have you always wanted to try a new hobby and just haven’t had the time. Now is when you should be diving into the things you really want for yourself, not for you as part of a potential couple with your ex.

Give yourself a few weeks to get over what happened with you and your ex. During that time, do what you can to resist the temptation to text him. You also need to mindful of avoiding him in person and staying away from emailing him or contacting him on any social network sites. You’re taking an “ex boyfriend break” so ensure you keep yourself out of his life. Once some time has passed, you can then logically decide what you want for your life.  Put yourself and your needs first. It’s the most important thing.

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You don’t want to try and work out the details of your failed relationship through text message. It’s not the right communication vehicle for that. Most of us have been guilty of trying to do that. We’ll send a text that says, “what happened between us,” or “how did we end up like this.” Doing this actually will make your ex boyfriend feel cornered. He’ll panic because he’ll sense that you want an answer right then and there, through text. That’s typically the reason a man will respond to a text like that with something that suggests that he’s busy or he has to go. You never want to send your ex boyfriend a message that makes him feel as though you’ve put him on the spot. That’s not fair to him and inevitably it won’t produce the answers that you feel you need.

The Right Way to Text an Ex Boyfriend

It’s certainly okay to text him now and again but keep those messages light and non-dramatic. For instance, if his favorite sports team won an important game, send an innocent message about that. You might say you were watching and knew he’d be thrilled or perhaps you could say that you imagined he was grinning from ear-to-ear because of the win. It’s also okay to text him if a special occasion has arrived. Perhaps it’s his birthday or it’s the holidays. In that case a simple, “hope it’s a great day,” will suffice.

Your goal with all of this is to keep the lines of communication open in a friendly, non-threatening way. You don’t want him to feel that you’re chasing after him so keep the texts that you do send, few and far between. There’s absolutely no reason for you to text the man each and every day. If you do that, you’re essentially telling him that you’re desperate for his attention and can’t live without him. Whether that’s true or not, you don’t want him to sense it as it won’t be helpful if you hope to reconnect with him romantically one day.

Handling the messages he sends you can be a bit more challenging. Some men feed their egos by texting their ex girlfriend that they miss them just to see what type of response that will garner. You don’t want to feel as though your ex boyfriend is toying with your emotions so don’t respond in any serious way to a text like that. Simply send a message back asking how he’s been and what’s been going on in his life. If you do that, you’re subtly telling him that you don’t want to get into a position where you feel emotionally vulnerable. If he really does miss you, he’ll ask to see you.

There is a way to use text messages to make your ex boyfriend crave to be with you again. Learn what you can text him that will make him feel an overwhelming desire to try and make the relationship work.

Men and women don’t see text messages in quite the same light post break up. To us an unexpected text message from our ex boyfriend is a beacon in the darkness. We see it as a sign of promise and hope. If it happens to say that our ex boyfriend misses us, we see it as a guiding light towards the future we’ve been dreaming of. Yes, it sounds dramatic, but you know, as well as I do, that once your ex boyfriend sends a message like that, your heart leaps and you can’t stop staring at your phone. You want it to mean that he’s forgotten the pain of the break up, he’s realized that you’re the love of his life and he’s ready to let bygones be bygones.

It probably means nothing more than he’s lonely in the moment and saw your number in his phone so decided he’d send you a text. This is particularly true if you get that text message late at night. A man who has nothing on his plate, might want to stir something up by reaching out to an ex girlfriend. Men instinctively know that if they say they miss us, we’ll melt. It’s one of our triggers. It makes us weak in the knees and we become very receptive.

How to Respond When Your Ex Texts You

If you haven’t already texted him back telling him that you miss him too, consider yourself fortunate. The moment you do that, you’re opening yourself up to him again. If he’s a man who just wants to see where he still stands with you, that’s all the fuel he needs for his egotistical fire and he’ll disappear into the ether again. If he’s still a little starved in that department, he may engage you in a conversation, via text, about how much you really miss him.

The advice you need to follow is very straightforward. When your ex boyfriend does text you to say he misses you, don’t respond immediately. Give it at least an hour. Consider that you could be busy at work, out with friends, or taking a long, relaxing bath, depending on the time of day. If you allow some time to pass, you’ll find more clues in his reply to you.

What should you text when you finally do send him a message? Say something that doesn’t speak of any emotional commitment. You may text back, “It’s so great to hear from you. How have you been?” If you want to acknowledge his text directly, then send a message back that does just that, “This put a smile on my face. How are things in your life?” Both those scenarios open the lines of communication wide open and put the ball back in your ex’s court.

If he’s serious about missing you and wanting to see you again, let him make the suggestion of meeting somewhere. This is truly the best way to gauge what he’s feeling without risking your own emotional health. You don’t want to get your hopes up based on his one text. Let him show you, through his actions, that he’s serious about working out the problems you two faced. If he never asks you to get together, his motivations may not be aligned with yours. In that case, keep things friendly and keep your heart out of it.

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It’s natural that you would have some concern over what your ex boyfriend’s dating status is if you’re still in love with him. The break up was likely a very painful experience for you and you’re unsure of what the future holds. If you had your way, the man you love would realize his mistake, come running to your door with a dozen roses and his heart on his sleeve. Unfortunately, that response is typically saved for movies and romance novels. You have to face the fact that your relationship with him has changed and he may actually find comfort in the arms of another woman.

The fact of the matter is that many couples break up, date other people and then realize what a perfect fit their ex is. This could very well happen with your ex boyfriend. In fact, his new relationship may actually play into your plan to get him back. The new girlfriend, who seems perfect at first, starts to show her flaws over time and you’re there to support your ex boyfriend by being an understanding and compassionate friend.

Most rebound relationships crash and burn very quickly. If your ex boyfriend does decide to start dating, don’t allow that to get the better of you. Men often use a new relationship as a coping tool. They believe that if they throw themselves into the dating pool again they’ll feel stronger emotionally and they’ll forget about their ex. It tends to backfire though and they end up feeling worse. Many men also come to a sudden realization that if they’re dating, their ex may be too. The thought of their ex girlfriend with another man is often too much to bear so they dump the new girl and rush back to the ex, begging her for another chance.

Why You Shouldn’t Date Someone New if Your Love Your Ex Boyfriend

It’s not advisable for you to “beat him to the punch” by dating someone new too. You don’t want to get into that type of emotional tug of war with a man you truly care about. Allow him the chance to sow his oats, while you hold your head up high with the knowledge that you’ll always be the best suited partner for him. Give him some time and he’ll come to see that too.

There is an undeniable beauty in the quiet strength of confidence. Show him that’s what you’re made of. If you can do that, you’ll always have the upper hand.

There is an ingenious way to get your man back if you’re intent on a future with him. I explain this innovative and very effective approach here.

Let me explain this a bit more. When a woman goes through a particularly painful break up with a man she utterly adores, her heart gets stuck in a difficult place. She can’t move on because she loves him so desperately and she can’t seem to find the way back to him. Her life feels as though it’s in limbo, so naturally she wants to find a way to move it along. Reaching out to him seems like the logical step to take so she crafts a message that says something along the lines of, “Hi. I miss you and can’t live without you.” Her better judgement walks out of the room while she sends the message and then she waits for a promising response. When none arrives, she feels more desperate than she did before.

The advice I always offer to women who feel inclined to message their ex boyfriend is take a breather for a few moments and then revisit the idea. I believe it’s best to put your phone down and go do something else. Maybe you can meet a friend for a coffee, or you can go to a movie. Find something to shift your focus for at least an hour or two. Then come back to the idea of sending that message to your ex boyfriend. Chances are very good that by then the overwhelming need to message him will have passed and you’ll feel stronger again.

Don’t Trick Your Ex Boyfriend with Text Messages

It’s also very important that you don’t heed the advice of girlfriends who tell you to send your ex boyfriend a message that looks as though it was intended for another person. This may seem very sneaky, but it’s actually incredibly transparent. If you send your ex boyfriend a message that says something like, “I had a great time last night,” or “Josh is so cute” (if your ex boyfriend’s name is anything other than Josh), you’re demonstrating how immature you really are. He’s going to know the instant he reads it what you’re up to and he won’t be impressed by it. He may actually become so annoyed by your childish antics that he’ll delete your number from his phone altogether.

That’s not to say that there isn’t an appropriate time to message your ex boyfriend. There actually is. However, it’s important that you understand what you need to say to him and when you need to say it.

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Any man who dumps a woman by text message is a coward. I don’t care if he’s three thousand miles away and you two have been balancing a long distance relationship. I also don’t care if he tells you that the reason he did it that way, as opposed to a more honourable approach, because he was himself so distraught. The fact of the matter is that any man, who is worth his weight in a relationship, will take the few moments it takes to end the relationship in person. If that isn’t possible, because of physical distance, than a phone call, at a convenient time, is the next best thing.

Responding to a text message that literally changes your life is daunting. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming that the text has already arrived and you’ve responded. Likely you didn’t hold back what you felt and perhaps you even tried to convince your ex, through text message, that he shouldn’t leave you or that he was making a monumental mistake.

If you have already traveled down that path, don’t fret. What you do from this day forward is what matters the most. You must not allow your boyfriend’s cowardly approach to the break up to undermine who you are as a woman and as a partner. It’s very important that you recognize that it was his decision to take that route to end the relationship. In fact, I believe that you should see it as a sign that he wasn’t strong enough emotionally to do what was really the right thing. In most cases, this is because the man in question wanted to avoid any type of confrontation with his ex in any form. So he takes the easy way out to avoid the risk of her screaming at him, or crying.

Stop Texting Your Ex Boyfriend When You’re Emotional!

If you’ve been texting him since the day he dumped you, stop what you’re doing. By continuing to engage him in a dialogue that started with a break up, you’re essentially giving him all the power that is still there in the failing relationship. Chances are that even though you have no intention of asking him repeatedly why he dumped you, that is exactly what you end up doing. When corresponding with an ex boyfriend, most women allow their good judgement to take a holiday, and they engage in behavior that makes them look pathetic and overly desperate. You do not want this to happen. That’s why you have to stop texting him when you feel upset, sad or angry with him.

There is likely to come a day when he will text you again and start flirting or being overly kind. I advise you to temper your responses to him and don’t fall into the trap of being swept away by old memories or your continued longing for him. If he sends you text messages that makes it seem as though he’s interested in you again, ask him to meet you in person. If he has an excuse for why he can’t, tell him that you’re busy.

You can’t allow him to control you via text message. If a man has toyed with your emotions using this method of communication in the past, don’t allow him to do it again now. You’re the one in control of what happens in your life. Never forget that.

There is actually a great way to use text messages yourself if you want to get the man back. If you’re interested, click here to watch a free video that explains what I mean in greater detail.