Posts Tagged ‘ex boyfriend is confused’

My Ex Boyfriend Is Hot And Cold to Me! The Best Way For You to Deal with Him

When you’re a woman, like you and I are, men can sometimes become something of a riddle. You know exactly what I’m talking about, don’t you? Let’s take the case of an ex boyfriend. We’ve all had at least one ex who we couldn’t get over. We’d think about him non-stop, we’d do foolish things like call him up and demand to know why he won’t take us back and we’ve cried hours over him. It’s part of the romantic journey to experience those things but what happens when your ex boyfriend starts sending out a multitude of mixed signals in your direction? If your ex boyfriend is hot and cold, you’ve really got to temper that before you start putting your emotional health at risk. A man like this has all the control over the break up and the subsequent reunion. You don’t want to place your heart and your happiness in his hands. You have to learn how to deal with him in such a way that his wavering back and forth between wanting you and not wanting you doesn’t even phase you anymore.

Before we can delve into what you should be doing to temper his shifting attraction to you, let’s focus for a bit on why he’s acting this way. Not all men do this after a break up, but a surprising number do. We, as the women in love with said ex boyfriend, want to believe that his confusion is caused by his overwhelming love. In our naive minds we believe that he acts hot and cold because he is trying to rein in a heart that is out of control with love and devotion. It’s so romantic, isn’t it? It’s a fairytale though that belongs in a book. This isn’t your reality. He’s not pulling you close and then pushing you away because he cares so deeply for you. He’s playing a sadistic game with your heart and he may not even realize he’s doing it.

Just as we have trouble letting go after a break up, men are the same. The difference is that we don’t want to let go of the illusion that the love we shared with our ex was larger than life and could survive anything. For him, it’s much more about not wanting to be alone and if there’s no one else suitable on his emotional horizon, he’ll come circling back to you looking for you to fulfill his needs until he tires of that again.

That’s a harsh reality that unfortunately you need to accept before you can deal with him in a productive manner. If you want to continue to believe that he’s hot and cold because he’s lost in his conflicting feelings for you, you’ll continue to be hurt when he keeps disappearing after telling you he adores you and can’t live without you. If he truly cared for you to the extent that he professes, he wouldn’t act cold ever. He would be loving, attentive and working hard to ensure the future you two share is much better than the best.

Since he’s not doing that, you’re going to have to put up an emotional barrier that will ward against his hot moods. When he suddenly calls or texts you out of the blue saying he misses you, don’t respond right away. Wait an hour or two and then simply ask how he is in response. Don’t immediately play into his words by telling him you miss him every second of the day.

The same is true if he wants to hang out with you. Tell him that you’ve already made other plans but you can see him in three or four days when you have an opening. If he loved you as much as you want to believe he does, he’ll be happy to wait. If you don’t hear back for weeks, he found someone else to fill in his time.

Your emotional well being has to be your main concern. When a man either knowingly or unknowingly plays hot and cold with you it can open your heart up to even more heartbreak when he decides to go cold and disappear. Take control of your future and don’t make it too easy for him to manipulate you. If he really does care for you, he’ll stop playing games and he’ll get down to the business of rebuilding the relationship you two lost.

It’s hard to know why he won’t just disappear if he doesn’t want you anymore. Understanding the psychology behind what he’s doing will help you learn how to best approach him if you’re indeed serious about getting him back.


My Ex Boyfriend is Sending Mixed Signals! How to Decipher What He Really Means

Boyfriends can be pretty confusing. That, in itself, isn’t news to any woman. However, after a break up that former boyfriend can be even more baffling. He may do or say things that leave you feeling completely bewildered. One day he might say that he can’t live without you and then the next day he’ll comment on how great it feels to be single. As a woman who still cares for her ex, you’re going to feel as though he’s leading you through a maze of mixed and differing signals. How are you supposed to know exactly where you stand when the man you still love won’t be straight with you about what he’s really feeling? There are certain signals that are easier to read than you may realize. Once you understand the generalizations that apply to your ex boyfriend, you’ll be on the road to figuring out whether he’s just playing with your emotions or he’s looking to get back together again.

Read Between the Emotional Lines of His Words

“I miss you,” is one of those phrases that can be music to the words of a woman who wishes her ex boyfriend would come back to her.  When your ex tells you that he misses hanging out with you or he misses the fun you two used to have it’s very easy to read much more into that than was intended by him. You can tell how much value those words hold by paying close attention to the behavior that accompanies the words.

If your ex boyfriend truly misses you, as he says he does, he will make an effort to remedy that by spending time with you. If he casually expresses that he misses you and then never suggests that you two get together or talk things out, he’s just spouting the words with little meaning behind them.

The same is true of an ex boyfriend who says he wishes things had worked out differently. When a man says this he is obviously alluding to the fact that he wishes you two were still together, right? You shouldn’t jump to that conclusion unless there is some action on his part to back it up. In this case, he’ll want to set aside some time to talk to you about what went wrong with the relationship and what you two can do now, as a couple, to fix things.

If he’s just randomly telling you that he wonders what it would be like if you two hadn’t broken up, don’t place too much weight in that. He may just be trying to charm you or to gauge your reaction. If you show him too much emotion, it may be the food for his ego that he was looking for. It’s important not to react too strongly to his words unless he’s doing something that shows he really does want to get back together with you.

Don’t Show Much Emotion in Your Responses to Him

When a couple breaks up there is typically one partner who takes the split much harder than the other. In this case, that person may be you. In order to keep your feet firmly planted on the ground and your heart out of the clouds, you have to temper how you react to your ex boyfriend and his mixed signals.

This not only is a good approach to take to protect your heart but it also shows him that you’re not falling for the bait he’s been throwing in your direction. In addition, it’s a great way to measure how serious some of the things he says and does are.

For instance, if your ex boyfriend tells you that he still loves you and you immediately respond by saying you love him and can’t live without him, he’ll see that you’re, in essence, waiting patiently for him to take you back. Conversely, if he says he loves you and you instead respond by asking how he’s been or asking what he’s been up to, that is going to push him to face the fact that you’re not as eager to be with him as he may have first thought you were.

A good way to approach him is to view him as a friend. If you can keep him at arm’s length and take what he says and does in stride that will keep you in a very strong emotional place. You won’t be subjected to his changing mood swings and you won’t inadvertently give him your heart again before you know if that’s actually what he’s looking for.

Push Him to Back Up What He Says and Does

It can be very hard to ride the emotional wave of dealing with an ex boyfriend who is constantly sending mixed signals to you. One day you’ll feel that you’re on the verge of getting back together and the very next day you’ll realize that he has no intention of even discussing the idea of reconciling. If you’re finding it hard to function because of all his conflicting signals it’s time to give him an ultimatum.

If you suspect that your ex boyfriend is playing with your emotions like a yo-yo, you have to push his back to the wall and get him to express what he really wants. This is hard to do when you are scared that you’ll push him away, but consider whether you can actually shoulder his behavior for the next few months, or even weeks.

The approach you need to take is very simple and straightforward. When he’s on an upswing and telling you that he thinks about you all the time or he misses holding your hand, call him on it. Say that you think that it’s time you two met in person to talk things out. Express to him that it’s obvious, given what he just said, that he wants to be closer, so talking in person is the next step.

If he agrees and takes the lead by setting up a time, you will know that he truly does envision a future with you. However, if he stammers and says he needs time to think or he’s too busy to meet, you’ll know that he’s guilty of playing with your emotions for his own gain. This will be the point where you’ll have to decide, for yourself, whether engaging in his emotional games is of any benefit for you or not.

If you’re intent on a future with your ex boyfriend there is a surprising way to get him back by using simple and direct text messages.