“Help Gillian! I really want to text my ex boyfriend!” I get at least one email a day from women expressing this urge. Some are a bit more frantic than this though. They feel out of control and all they really want is a chance to text their ex to say they miss him or they love him. It feels natural, doesn’t it? After all, you texted him so much when you two were together and now you feel a void. I know that your emotions get the better of you sometimes, but you need to be mindful of what all those random text messages are suggesting to him. If you have any desire to eventually get the man back, you really need to slow down and think before you text!
Here’s what happens when you text your ex boyfriend to tell him you love him. You send the text and you wait breathlessly for him to respond. You want him to say that he can’t live without you and he wants you back. Unfortunately, one of two things actually happen.
- He doesn’t respond at all. You stare at your phone for hours and you get nothing from him. You may start to wonder if the message was even delivered. It was. Yes, he is ignoring you on purpose.
- He writes back and says, “thank you” or “that’s nice.” Normally those are lovely phrases and we welcome them but obviously not in the case of an ex boyfriend you’ve just spilled your heart out to.
You should never text him to tell him what’s in his heart. He won’t respond in the way that you want. It’s almost guaranteed that his response, or lack of response, will make you feel worse and will cause you to regret your actions.
Another approach that women sometimes take when they feel an urge to text an ex is they’ll pretend to mistakenly send him a text meant for someone else. In a moment when you are desperate to have any sort of contact with your ex, this seems like such a great idea. In retrospect you’re going to realize how lame it really is. Your ex boyfriend is smarter than you give him credit for. He knows that you are sending him misguided messages so you can then contact him to explain.
One reader wrote to tell me that she sent her ex boyfriend a message saying that she couldn’t wait to see him later in the week. She naturally used another man’s name in the text. In her mind, this was the perfect trap to set, and the other man’s name was the irresistible bait. I probably don’t have to tell you that this didn’t work at all. Her ex boyfriend didn’t respond and when she finally did get in touch with him (via phone call) weeks later he was dating someone new. To her utter shock he explained that the misguided text message made him realize she had moved on so he followed suit.
Just as you need to be mindful of what you say when you see your ex boyfriend in person or what you say on the phone, you also need to be cautious with what you share via text message.
If you want to learn more about how you can use tiny messages to regain his interest, in the right way, click here to read my thoughts on texting your ex boyfriend.